We really are an arrogant, opinionated bunch, aren’t we? We work in an industry where there aren’t any right answers. We pretend what we do is computer “science”. When in reality, its more art than science. It certainly isn’t engineering. Engineering suggests an underlying physics, mathematical models of how the world works. Is there a mathematical model of how to build software at scale? No. Do we understand the difference between what makes good software and bad software? No. Are there papers with published proofs of whether this idea or that idea has any observable difference on written software, as practised by companies the world over? No. It turns out this is a difficult field: software is weird stuff. And yet we work in an industry full of close-minded people, convinced that their way is The One True Way. It’s not science, its basically art. Our industry is dominated by fashion.

Which language we work in is fashion: should we use Ruby, or Node.js or maybe Clojure. Hey Go seems pretty cool. By which I mean “I read about it on the internet, and I’d quite like to put it on my CV so can I please f*** up your million pound project in a big experiment of whether I can figure out all the nuances of the language faster than the project can de-rail?”

If it’s not the language we’re using, its architectural patterns. The dogma attached to REST. Jesus H Christ. It’s just a bunch of HTTP requests, no need to get so picky! For a while it was SOA. Then that became the old legacy thing, so now it’s all micro-services, which are totally different. Definitely. I read it on the internet, it must be true.

Everyone has their opinions. Christ, we’ve got our opinions. Thousands of blogs and wankers on twitter telling you what they think about the world (exactly like this one) As if one person’s observations are useful for anything more than being able to replicate their past success, should you ever by mistake find yourself on their timeline from about six weeks ago.

For example: I wrote a post recently about pairing, and some fine specimen of internet based humanity felt the need to tell me that people who need to pair are an embarrassment to the profession, that we should find another line of work. Hahaha I know, don’t read the comments. Especially when it’s in reply to something you wrote. But seriously now, is it necessary to share your close minded ignorance with the world?

I shouldn’t get worked up about some asshat on the internet. But it’s not just some asshat on the internet. There are hundreds of thousands of these asshats with their closed minds and dogmatic views on the world. And not just asshats spouting off on the internet, but getting paid to build the software that increasingly runs all our lives. When will we admit that we have no idea what we’re doing. The only way to get better is to learn as many tools and techniques as we can and hopefully, along the way, we’ll learn when to apply which techniques and when not to.

For example, I’ve worked with some people that don’t get TDD. Ok, fine – some people just aren’t “test infected”. And a couple of guys that really would rather gut me and fry my liver for dinner than pair with me. Do I feel the need to evangelise to them as though I’ve just found God? No. Does it offend me that they don’t follow my religion? No. Do I feel the need to suicide bomb their project? No. Its your call. Its your funeral. When I have proof that my way is The One True Way and yours is a sham, you can damn well bet I’ll be force feeding it to you. But given that ain’t gonna happen: I think we’re all pretty safe. If you don’t wanna pair, you put your headphones on and disappear into your silent reverie. Those of us that like pairing will pair, those of us that don’t, won’t. I’m fine with that.

The trouble is, in this farcical echo chamber of an industry, where the lessons of 40 years ago still haven’t been learnt properly. Where we keep repeating the mistakes of 20 years ago. Of 10 years ago. Of 5 years ago. Of 2 years ago. Of last week. For Christ’s sake people, can we not just learn a little of what’s gone before? All we have is mindless opinion, presented as fact. Everyone’s out to flog you their new shiny products, or whatever bullshit service they’re offering this week. No, sorry, it’s all utter bollocks. We know less about building decent software now than we did 40 years ago. It’s just now we build a massive amount more of it. And it’s even more shit than it ever was. Only now, now we have those crazy bastards that otherwise would stand on street corners telling me that Jesus would save me if only I would let him; but now they’re selling me scrum master training or some other snake oil.

All of this is unfortunately entirely indistinguishable from reasoned debate, so for youngsters entering the industry they have no way to know that its just a bunch of wankers arguing which colour to paint this new square wheel they invented. Until after a few years they become as jaded and cynical as the rest of us and decide to take advantage of all the other dumb fools out there. They find their little niche, their little way of making the world a little bit worse but themselves a little bit richer. And so the cycle repeats. Fashion begets fashion. Opinion begets opinion.

There aren’t any right answers in creating software. I know what I’ve found works some of the time. I get paid to put into practice what I know. I hope you do, too. But we’ve all had a different set of experiences which means we often don’t agree on what works and what doesn’t. But this is all we have. The plural of anecdote is not data.

All we have is individual judgement, borne out of individual experience. There is no grand unified theory of Correct Software Development. The best we can hope to do is learn from each other and try as many different approaches as possible. Try and fail safely and often. The more techniques you’ve tried the better the chance you can find the right technique at the right time.

Call it craftsmanship if you like. Call it art if you like. But it certainly isn’t science. And I don’t know about you, but it’s a very long time since I saw any engineering round these parts.